Stage Two: Possibility of Salvation
5. Leniency & Opportunity: Just when the woman feel she can take no more, the abuser shows her a bit of kindness to make her feel so grateful
6. Compulsion to Confess: The abused victim so grateful for the small gesture she starts to agree with the abuser’s distorted view
7. The Channeling of Guilt: The victim now thinks her original believe system to be wrong, she doesn’t understand why it is wrong, she just thinks it is wrong. And she now feels guilty about the belief she originally holds.
8. Releasing of Guilt- Logical Dishonoring: The abuse victim is now persuaded to the view that despite she is not a bad person, her existing belief system is wrong and must change her whole belief system. Thus, they renounce their former belief system and people they associate with.
Yet, the distorted nature of traditional western value regarding to love and husband and wife, the distorted nature of Christian value regarding to husband and wife and western distorted view of dating, marriage and cheating, already done half the work, for abusers, regarding to step two, three, four, five, six, seven and eight mentioned above, persuading abuse victim to the distorted view regarding to think mutual consent is unnecessary to qualify as Dating, to confuse Dating to be same as marriage, thus leading them to think a whole range of things that are not Cheating, to be Cheating and follow by the misconception of thinking all Cheating to be wrong, without justification of why. There is also the traditional western concept of thinking a wife should serve and honor her husband and Christian value of a wife should be submissive, adding to confusing Dating to be same as marriage, a lot of Christian women or those who come from a more traditional household think, “a girlfriend should obey her boyfriend” and “a girlfriend should serve and honor her boyfriend”, which help the abuser to further assert control over her, sometime even when the girl didn’t even consented to be in a relationship due to not understanding “mutual consent out of own free will, in a clear state of mind is required, to qualify as dating”
Feeling guilty by saying “all Cheating to be wrong, regardless of circumstances” and the distorted view of confusing Dating to be same as marriage and the distorted view of thinking it doesn’t require your consent out of own free will, in a clear state of mind to qualify as dating and influence by Christian value or Traditional western value, all would leads to the woman to conduct self-betrayal. Sometime abusers only need to bully a girl into a dating relationship with him, against her will.
In the movie Lovelace staring Amanda Seyfried, it told the story of Lindsay Lovelace whom was forced into doing pornography by her abusive husband Chuck that also force her into prostitution at gun point and hit her on numerous occasions. When seeking help from her family, her Christian conservative mother, only coldly quote the bible and told her to “Obey her husband”. Eventually Lovelace met with lawyer Anthony Romano, whom decided to help her and send his body guard to protect Lovelace from Chuck, during the period of the divorce proceeding.
Western society, also work to the advantage of abusers, by shaming all women that cheat and falsely accuse women of Cheating and shame them for it, due to confusing Dating to be same as marriage, helping to feed the advantage of the breaking point stage.
Tristan Marrok, is a person Cupid interviewed while researching for this book. Marrok told Cupid of the following story. To quote Marrock’s exact words
We grew closer than we ever had. But then she started to feel guilty like she was cheating on him, a guy who had assaulted her several times. She said I wouldn’t like it either if she had done that to me. I said, I’m not abusing you so why the allegiance to him. But she went back to him…She felt ashamed for “cheating” on him when I was 100 times more considerate of her. Why didn’t she feel ashamed of choosing someone like him?
In a further comment Marrok said
I did see your earlier remark (Marrok and I chat a bit online, after our initial interview) that it is best to be a friend to such a woman first and be someone she can talk to and laugh with etc. That is what happened with us and beside we already knew each other over 7 years at that time. So, then she did initiate romance, but then started feeling guilty anyway like she was cheating on her abuser even though she had left him. Then she went back. Even though during this time he had even hit her again.
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5. Leniency & Opportunity: Just when the woman feel she can take no more, the abuser shows her a bit of kindness to make her feel so grateful
6. Compulsion to Confess: The abused victim so grateful for the small gesture she starts to agree with the abuser’s distorted view
7. The Channeling of Guilt: The victim now thinks her original believe system to be wrong, she doesn’t understand why it is wrong, she just thinks it is wrong. And she now feels guilty about the belief she originally holds.
8. Releasing of Guilt- Logical Dishonoring: The abuse victim is now persuaded to the view that despite she is not a bad person, her existing belief system is wrong and must change her whole belief system. Thus, they renounce their former belief system and people they associate with.
Yet, the distorted nature of traditional western value regarding to love and husband and wife, the distorted nature of Christian value regarding to husband and wife and western distorted view of dating, marriage and cheating, already done half the work, for abusers, regarding to step two, three, four, five, six, seven and eight mentioned above, persuading abuse victim to the distorted view regarding to think mutual consent is unnecessary to qualify as Dating, to confuse Dating to be same as marriage, thus leading them to think a whole range of things that are not Cheating, to be Cheating and follow by the misconception of thinking all Cheating to be wrong, without justification of why. There is also the traditional western concept of thinking a wife should serve and honor her husband and Christian value of a wife should be submissive, adding to confusing Dating to be same as marriage, a lot of Christian women or those who come from a more traditional household think, “a girlfriend should obey her boyfriend” and “a girlfriend should serve and honor her boyfriend”, which help the abuser to further assert control over her, sometime even when the girl didn’t even consented to be in a relationship due to not understanding “mutual consent out of own free will, in a clear state of mind is required, to qualify as dating”
Feeling guilty by saying “all Cheating to be wrong, regardless of circumstances” and the distorted view of confusing Dating to be same as marriage and the distorted view of thinking it doesn’t require your consent out of own free will, in a clear state of mind to qualify as dating and influence by Christian value or Traditional western value, all would leads to the woman to conduct self-betrayal. Sometime abusers only need to bully a girl into a dating relationship with him, against her will.
In the movie Lovelace staring Amanda Seyfried, it told the story of Lindsay Lovelace whom was forced into doing pornography by her abusive husband Chuck that also force her into prostitution at gun point and hit her on numerous occasions. When seeking help from her family, her Christian conservative mother, only coldly quote the bible and told her to “Obey her husband”. Eventually Lovelace met with lawyer Anthony Romano, whom decided to help her and send his body guard to protect Lovelace from Chuck, during the period of the divorce proceeding.
Western society, also work to the advantage of abusers, by shaming all women that cheat and falsely accuse women of Cheating and shame them for it, due to confusing Dating to be same as marriage, helping to feed the advantage of the breaking point stage.
Tristan Marrok, is a person Cupid interviewed while researching for this book. Marrok told Cupid of the following story. To quote Marrock’s exact words
We grew closer than we ever had. But then she started to feel guilty like she was cheating on him, a guy who had assaulted her several times. She said I wouldn’t like it either if she had done that to me. I said, I’m not abusing you so why the allegiance to him. But she went back to him…She felt ashamed for “cheating” on him when I was 100 times more considerate of her. Why didn’t she feel ashamed of choosing someone like him?
In a further comment Marrok said
I did see your earlier remark (Marrok and I chat a bit online, after our initial interview) that it is best to be a friend to such a woman first and be someone she can talk to and laugh with etc. That is what happened with us and beside we already knew each other over 7 years at that time. So, then she did initiate romance, but then started feeling guilty anyway like she was cheating on her abuser even though she had left him. Then she went back. Even though during this time he had even hit her again.
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