(Page Nine) In regards to Romance

In regards to Romance

The west got a serious problem associate with confusing things that are not love, to be love including

1. Confusing Dating to be Love
2. Confusing Lust to be Love (although this problem exists in Asia also, but it seems to be worse in the west)
3. Confuse flirting to be relationship and Love and
4. Confusing Romance to be Love

Romance and Love are two completely different things. Think of it this way. If you are Dating a guy and he is very romantic, sweeping you off your feet with chocolate, heart shape candy, flower and one of those big teddy bears that says “I heart you”. Are you in love with him? Or are you in love with the romance? Take the romance away, it’s just some guy standing there, are you still in love with him?

It is also important to understand, you cannot build a Spouse relationship upon romance, Cupid isn’t even sure if you can build a Couple relationship upon romance. Think of it this way. Image you are the dominate partner in a lesbian relationship. Before you are married, you sweep her off her feet with your romance, chocolate, sending flower to her work, maybe three Mexican guys singing a song to her outside her window, candle light dinner, rose paddle, love poem and whatever other romantic thing you can come up with. Now image you are married, as the dominate partner, you are the bread winner, you work 9am~5pm five days a week and just coming home to sweep her off her feet? Not to mention all the mortgage, children, bills, things in the house that break down that need to be fix…building a spouse relationship upon romance is not practical.

Thus, romance and love are two completely different things and you cannot build a spouse relationship upon romance.

Just because a guy is been romantic to a girl, doesn’t mean he loves her. And it is important to understand, for most men (and I think for most women also) been romantic isn’t an expression of love. When a man is been romantic, it is usually due to one of the following reasons

1. It is just flirting: For most guys, been romantic and sweeping a girl off her feet, is just flirting, but it doesn’t mean anything. It is like when a girl flirt with a cop to get out of a speeding ticket.

2. He is an idiot: These are the small majority of men that doesn’t understand you can’t build a spouse relationship upon romance. So, he uses that to get a wife and usually his marriage would fall apart because, their relationship is built upon romance, when it is during the dating stage that is fine, but during the marriage stage…you can’t build a spouse relationship upon romance.

3. He is a womanizer: Womanizer knows you can’t build a long-lasting Spouse relationship upon romance. But if it is just a casual, none committed and none exclusive fling…why not?

4. Pity Romance: An example of Pity Romance is I once seen a Taiwan boyband, when they are to sing a love song to a girl in the audience, they intentionally pick this most fat and ugly girl in the crowd, to sing the love song to. This is not because the boy band is romantically interest in her, but they felt sorry for her, due to she probably would never have guys sweeping her off her feet. (And regarding to pity romance, I did it once myself. A few years ago, there was this girl really upset because she never met a guy that comes to sweep her off her feet, so I said to her “Alright, this is what I am going to do, I am going to write you a romantic love note here and I don’t ever hear you talking about this again.” So, I wrote on a piece of paper that says “You are the most beautiful girl in the world, I want you to be my forever Snow White. Forever love you, Adult Hitler” as if I am going to sign my real name. But I don’t mean anything I say in that note.) and it might just to be nice. For example, once I saw this woman my age, but she aged really fast and badly. So, I said “Come on, I am sure you were pretty when you were younger” So, she shows me a photo of a 21 years old version of herself and the 21 years old version of her is…lower average at most. But I am not going say this to her, especially in her vulnerable state, so instead, I said “You look lovely”.

5. Paid Romance: According to gigolos, with male prostitution there are not that much penetration, instead there are lots of hugging, kissing and cuddling.

6. He is just kidding around: This is probably less common in the west, but in Asia, it is pretty common for a guy saying something romantic merely be a joke. For example, today, when I was watching a show on YouTube, the pop star said she was a bit stress coming on stage today, because she got a cold and is afraid it might affect her performance. And a male celebrity guest just said, “Relax, even if you got a bit off beat today, people will forgive you, because you are so pretty.” And in another variety show, a 19 years old girl, talk about how her mum that is single and is a model, every time she enters a room, every boy in her class start turning their attention to her mum. And later when her mum came on stage, as a joke, both male celebrities went over and sit next to the mum. This sort of meaningless flirting, isn't something that only exist on Asian TV, but common amount Asian singles, also.

7. He did something bad and is feeling guilty (e.g. having an affair)

8. You are a mistress and he will never leave his wife for you: You are just the woman on the side and mean nothing to him, to make it sound mean, for him, you are just a sex toy. And despite you can’t build a serious, exclusive and committed relationship upon romance, you can build a casual, none committed and none exclusive relationship upon romance.

9. He is an abuser: Most abusive relationships involved a narcissist beta male thug, that want to possess a beautiful woman, as his trophy to fulfill his narcissist ego, but as a beta male, it is harder for him to get girls. And as thug, he doesn’t care who he hurts, getting what he wants. What they usually do is, target a woman he doesn’t love or care about, but enough to fulfill his narcissist ego. He will first use the romance to draw the girl in. Afterwards, he starts attacking her self-worth in her confidence in her appearance, making her fear if she leaves him, she can’t find another man, trying to get her to fear leaving him. (and sometime they will find other ways to make her fear not able to find another man or make her feel guilty for leaving him for another man) Girls that confuse romance to be love and are obsessed with having a man, are narcissist beta male thugs’ ideal targets.

Women confuse romance to be love frequently remind me of this particular movie scene.

In Asia, not confuse romance to be love, can even be found in linguistic. For example, in Chinese, the word for Romance is 浪漫 (Làngmàn) the word for love is 愛 (Ài) and romantic love is 愛情 (Àiqíng). So, in Chinese the word love and the word romantic love, are associate. But the word describing romantic love and the describing romance, got no association.

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